When we sunbathe topless in the park or take our shirts off in some other public place on a 90-degree day, it has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with comfort and equality. We like wearing less when it’s hot out than when it’s cold; stripping off a sweaty t-shirt to lie in the grass or play frisbee or enjoy the spray from a fountain isn’t a sexual act when we do it any more than when a man does. We work hard to make this distinction clear: nudity does not equal sex, and the two should not be confused or conflated.
That said, most of us do also like sex.
So we were cautiously receptive when we were contacted recently by several alumnae of Betty Dodson’s famous Bodysex workshop, which has been teaching women to explore their own bodies and their sexuality for something like fifty years. (Betty Dodson herself is close to 90 years old, and still going strong.) There was a Bodysex reunion being held near NYC, and some of the participants were followers of our group, and they asked if they might come to one of our events while they were in town. Of course we said yes, and invited them to join us on our favorite private rooftop sundeck.
Now, normally the privacy we enjoy there only means we get to sunbathe fully nude rather than merely topless. But this time it meant something more, since our visitors promised to share some of their practice with us, and their practice includes group masturbation and shared orgasm.
How many of us had ever masturbated in a group before? Not many. But we’re open-minded and very much pro-orgasm and sex-positive, so we decided we’d give it a try.
In all, between the Bodysex alums and us there were a dozen people on the roof. Some were first-timers, some long-time members; eleven were women, one was a man.
We began by sharing our groups’ respective stories, and some fresh fruit, white wine, and mimosas to go with them. (What story doesn’t go better with a mimosa?)
After that, we shifted from the couches and lounge chairs to the floor of the roof and the dozen comfy soft towels Amazon had thoughtfully shipped us the day before.
We had a selection of toys to choose from — ones that vibrated, ones that pulsed, ones that sucked — and enough bottles of lube to stock a medium-sized pharmacy. (What’s the difference between a lubricant that “Arouses and intensifies” and one that “Arouses and releases”? We figured we’d find out.)
Someone in the group had an iPhone with a relevant Spotify playlist (“30 All-Time Greatest Songs to Masturbate To“)…
…and someone else had a bluetooth speaker. Connections were made. The mood was set. The moment of truth arrived. So we took off any clothes we still had on, laid back, spread our legs and dove in.
A word about masturbation: it’s nothing to be shy about, certainly nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes the best orgasm you can have is one you give yourself. Learning how to pleasure yourself can also help you learn how to have more satisfying sex with a partner — but it doesn’t have to be about that. The self-administered orgasm (like the self-portrait, or self-hypnosis) can be an end in itself. Masturbation isn’t anything to apologize for. We all do it, women and men, and when we do it right it’s wonderful.
Yesterday, it was wonderful.
It didn’t hurt that the weather was perfect for it, sunny and clear — we gave ourselves orgasms under the bluest of skies and the whitest of fluffy white clouds. The air was deliciously warm against our skin.
Was it strange doing something so intimate and private in a group, a number of whom were meeting each other for the first time? A little. But remember, a lot of people also say that baring your breasts is something intimate and private that shouldn’t be done in a public place or in front of someone you don’t know well. People who say that are wrong — so why should we take as a given that they’re right about masturbation having to be solitary?
It helped that while the act was sexual, it was not sexualized. We weren’t performing, we weren’t ogling each other or being ogled (or watched at all, really; our eyes mostly slid shut as we went to somewhere special in our own headspace). We were just friends enjoying ourselves together, feeling beautiful sensations, and sharing that experience — as one member put it the next day, it was less like a sex party than like a wine tasting, only with orgasms instead of wine. And what fine vintages we uncorked.
And then, soon enough — too soon — it was over. We came, we relaxed, we caught our breath. We marveled at this thing we’d just done. Did everyone have a blissful smile on her face, or did it just feel that way?
We all felt really nice, that’s for sure. And our ordinary event started up again. We ate grapes, chatted, joked. Shared our addresses with each other so we could stay in touch. 
Eventually, the Bodysex folk headed off to catch their planes home, like magical sex fairies who’d done their job.
Will we ever do it again? Who knows? Certainly not in the middle of Central Park, where going topless means nothing more than that it’s hot out, and neither women nor men are free to engage in sexual acts. But on some wintry afternoon perhaps, in a private room at our favorite spa? Or if one of us has a big enough apartment and enough cushy throw rugs? Why not?
Our group is not about sex, and what we do as a matter of course is not sexual.
This was sexual.
Maybe now people will have an easier time seeing the difference.
How very, very wonderful.
It’s nice to read you masturbate as a group in a shared experience because it’s relief and quite ok as you’re all friends.
Fascinating reading. Was the man present during the group masturbation? If so, it would be interesting to have a female only follow-up, and maybe another with even more of an even gender split, and see if the group dynamic makes a difference.
We never have a more even gender split, and that’s deliberate: our group is overwhelmingly and intentionally a women’s group. But we do occasionally have all-female events. In this case, yes, our male member participated in the group masturbation. It changed the vibe, but we all trusted each other and treated each other respectfully and it wasn’t an issue.
It’s interesting because, although it was a shared experience, masturbation is very much a ‘solo sport’. Thank you for responding.
You’re right, of course. But I have to say, masturbating with ten of your friends creates a very special sort of bond. Like “I can do anything in front of you.” It’s total, unconditional acceptance.
You know when you have reached that point with special friends you have their total acceptance, trust and respect.
I’m glad you guys are having fun. But I have to warn you, it doesn’t matter what you say; describing this and posting photos of it on your site side-by-side with stories about arguing with the police that you nipples aren’t sexual and won’t corrupt children will undermines the clarity of your argument. The distinction may be clear in your minds and in your rhetoric, but the bottom line is, you just presented group masturbation on a website committed to de-sexualizing women’s chests. Never mind that you have opponents who will say: :”See, this is what they’re really into all along!” What about women you want recruit and encourage to join you in the park? A lot will look at your website and say: “this is way too kinky and weird for me.” It’s fine to do this stuff. My advice is: don’t put it on your site.
Actually, you don’t “have to” warn us. You chose to, and that’s fine, but we’ll choose to do what we think is right. Sometimes clarity can be pursued at the expense of truth, and we choose not to do that. We’re not two-dimensional figures spouting slogans, we’re complex, nuanced individuals for whom nudity can mean one thing in one context and something else in another. I’m sure you’re the same. What you do shirtless in your bedroom (or on your rooftop, if you’re lucky enough to have a private one) may not be the same as what you do shirtless in a public park. And why should it be? We won’t confine ourselves to something more restricted just to placate people who can’t handle complexity or nuance. Once in seven years we’ve posted about masturbating together. Once, a while ago, we posted about rowing on Central Park Lake — I don’t think too many women saw that and thought, “I can’t join those girls, they’re too into boats.”
The context here is not a bedroom, a rooftop or a park or even a boat. The context is your website. A website IS two-dimensional, it will not convey the complexity and nuance you are speaking of. “People who can’t handle complexity and nuance” are all your follow humans, sad to say, but true. Anyway, I HAD TO share my thoughts with you because I truly admire your efforts and I want them to succeed. Obviously, you have given this the thought it deserves, and I intended no more than that. Thank you.
What a wonderful experience should that have been. Good for you. I love the fact you can also help many out there to tell the difference between nudity and sexual behaviors, and that these are not by any means wrong or bad, just that everything has its place and time.
Go girls!
Loved what you experienced and think it was a logical next step. I was wondering if you received any negative feedback from people who did not understand the mutual freedom you experienced?
No, no negative feedback at all. One random hotel guest came up to the roof while we were there, but he just smiled and left us alone.
Nice event and too bad I don’t have one like this where I live
I don’t understand why the group masturbation workshop that you link to says explicitly “Yes, they’re done in the nude but it’s not sexual.”
I guess everyone defines their terms in their own way. It’s true that their events don’t involve having sex, so in that respect they’re not sexual. It’s also possible that they mean by “sexual” what we mean when we say “sexualized.” And I suppose someone might argue that a woman giving herself pleasure isn’t necessarily sexual in the same way that someone singing in the shower isn’t “performing” — it’s similar to what a performer does, but if there’s no audience, is it a performance? (We don’t think of it that way, but someone could.) These are interesting philosophical and linguistic questions. But what really matters is the substance of what they do and the pleasure and healthful benefits it provides. Each of us can decide what we want to call it.
As a nudist couple my husband and I have shared same room masturbation with other couples. just like here, it’s a beautiful experience and all about context, trust and respect. Sharing such experiences helps bond us as better friends and opens the door to more open honesty about what being a person means and not just being a sexual object.
I read with interest your earlier discussion about sexuality and trying to stop breasts from becoming sexualised. As always you make measured points about the matter, but I have to admit to still being slightly gobsmacked by the idea that masturbating to orgasm can be non-sexual. It sounds logical, the way you say it, but I still wonder if something essential is being overlooked.
Oh, we think that masturbating to orgasm IS sexual — that’s our opinion. We were just trying to come up with a reasonable explanation for why the Bodysex workshop website might say that it’s not. And you can construct an explanation for it if you try; it really just depends on how you define “sexual.” But in the end, that’s just a matter of word choice. Whatever words you choose to describe it, we do feel there is a difference between what we did on the roof this past Monday and what we do when we meet in Central Park and just take our shirts off. That’s a point we made in our post, and we stand by it.
I completely agree about that. And feel glad that you felt comfortable and confident enough to share. Great stuff.
Some people posting here are taking on the role of the non-sexual police.
Just because C.T.P.F.A.S. people are taking off some clothes does not obligate then to comply with the rhetoric found in 1950’s nudist colony brochures.
21st Century now. Lighten up.
I feel like you left a big cliffhanger: What’s the difference between “Arouses and intensifies” and one that “Arouses and releases” ?
You know what? We really can’t say. They’re all slippery. Some are thicker than others, some looser. The ones with supposed chemical effects (“warming,” “intensifying,” etc.) feel a little dubious — like, what am I putting down there?? But they pretty much all do the job. We did get aroused. It intensified. We got our releases. So…truth in advertising?